vc tools resources header vPrograms

The following sub-categories show how the VisionCircles methodology may be used to aid the resolution of virtually any situation. You may view all programs in turn or explore freely at your own discretion.

 

Marital Communication

Article Index

Step One - Observe


1. What am I saying to myself about the quality of our conversations?
2. What am I thinking, feeling and doing about my concern to improve our communication?
3. What is most important to me in communicating with my spouse?
4. What tendencies am I experiencing most when I think about improving my communication?


Circle One: What am I saying to myself about our quality of communication?

“We’ve been married eight years now and things have been running pretty smoothly. Our two kids are in school…were both working .. I get home early enough from my teaching job to spend time with them … but Mike’s job keeps him away too much. I’m getting that uneasy feeling that things are becoming too routine. We don’t share our thoughts and feelings the way we used to. Maybe… Mike and I are drifting apart. We used to talk more … do things together. The romance … the closeness seems to be fading. Maybe, I’m making too much of this. Maybe, this is all very normal… I don’t know. What am I going to do about this?”

Circle Two: What am I feeling, doing, and thinking about improving my communication with my spouse?

(Pages 29 and following in the workbook will provide more information about each step.)

Emotions
_____ I feel worried about __________________________
_____ I feel anxious about __________________________
_____ I feel hopeful about __________________________
_____ other _____________________________________

Behaviors
_____ I’m avoiding talking to my spouse about my feelings regarding my concerns.
_____ I’m spending more time sharing my concerns with my friends.
_____ other _____________________________________

Thinking
_____ I’m giving myself excuses … like, this is normal … to avoid talking to my spouse about it.
_____ I’m assuming it’s not a concern for him.
_____ I’m watering down my expectation about intimacy.
_____ I’m remembering when we shared our inner lives with each other.
_____ other _____________________________________

Circle Three: What are the ideals or values that are most important to me regarding communication?


_____ Intimacy …. closeness in spirit and body …. is important to me.
_____ Mutual underdstanding is important to me.
_____ other _____________________________________

Circle Four: Which tendencies am I experiencing most as I think about improving my communication with my spouse?

Irrational
_____ confusion (I’m not clear about how to approach my spouse about this.)
_____ dependence (I’m waiting for him to bring up the topic.)
_____ rebellion (I’m angry with myself and my spouse because we’re not confronting this.)
_____ skepticism (I’m losing hope that our communication will improve.)

Rational
_____ order (I realize that communication is the glue that strengthens relationships.)
_____ control (I’m beginning to get a handle on this concern.)
_____ system (I see how this concern affects the other areas of my life.)
_____ certainty ( I feel confident and hopeful that I can improve my communication with my spouse.)

Supra (more than) rational
_____ vision (I clearly see that intimacy of body and spirit is the foundation of our marriage.)
_____ freedom (I’m ready and willing to search for ways to improve our communication.)
_____ change (I’m ready to adjust my thinking and behaviors to actualize my vision.)
_____ creativity ( I’m searching for new ways to realize intimate communication.)