How to Change Depressive Moods
I need to will to see clearly, and then I will work on firing up my mental powers to dismantle my cockeyed perceptions.
There are two basic hypotheses that we use to view ourselves: 1) passive 2) active.
If I choose #1, passive, then I see myself as the victim of everything that has happened, is happening, or will happen to me. With this attitude there is little that I can do to change my mood. I have gratuitously and imprudently handed over all my power to events and people.
If I choose #2, active, then I see myself standing in-between my world as it is with my failures, disappointments, uncaring people, and other limitations on the one hand, and, on the other hand I see my world as it could be, that is, enlightened by my ideals such as, integrity, courage and love.
If I choose to take an active stance toward myself and my world, then I am ready to use Vision Circles to change ‘what-is’ into ‘what-could-be’.
Circle One: (Getting in touch with my self-talk.)
“Nothing turned out the way I expected. I had big ideas about a stimulating career and a romantic marriage. Now in my mid-thirties my career is stalled, and our marriage is becoming a routine. We’ve been trying to have a child, but so far, nothing. The future looks bleak. Some mornings I feel that I’m dragging myself to work. And then what makes it worse is the people around me telling me how lucky and successful I am. If they only knew.”
Circle Two: (I need to label my emotions, behaviors, thoughts, expectations, and ideals.)
My emotions: I feel down, somewhat depressed, lacking energy.
My thoughts: I’m focusing on the negatives. I’m thinking pessimistically.
My expectations: I am still expecting what I expected ten years ago. I am expecting the picture that I had in my mind then to happen without any adjustments.
My ideals: Excellence in my work and love in my marriage are important to me.
Circle Three: (I need to get in touch with my ideals.)
At work: Excellence, achievement and growing in my career motivate me. I need to find ways to practice them.
My marriage: Love to me means intimacy, communication and caring.
Circle Four: ( I need to get in touch with all my tendencies.)
Irrational: Sometimes I feel confused because my life is not going according to my expectations. Sometimes I feel angry with myself and rebellious toward the world.
Rational: Sometimes I feel like I’m out of order and losing control, and at the same time I feel a strong need to be certain about what I am doing.
Supra-rational: I see what is important to me in my work and my marriage, but I don’t know how to make them happen. I want to change and get out of this dreary pessimism.
I need to sort out the negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors from the positive ones. I will identify what I need to change.
Circle One: Most of my self-talk is negative. I over-generalize disappointments into catastrophes. I need to change my self-talk, so that I speak to myself more accurately and reasonably.
Circle Two: I can and need to change my thinking. I will focus on my ideals. I will change my expectations to ones that are reasonable and achievable. I will also change my behavior of complaining. I will plan to do new things to break the routine.
Circle Three: I’m in touch with my ideals of excellence and love. I think that I need to add the ideal of prudence. That will help me to be more fluid and less rigid about my expectations.
Circle Four: I need to stay focused on my vision of excellence and love. I need to free up my mind to think of different ways to realize my ideals. I need to change the order in my life regarding my career and my marriage, so that they are in tune with my ideals.
I need to focus my attention on the vision of my ideals to come up with practical ways of realizing them.
Constructing a positive mental attitude by pulling up a positive memory from the past:
1. I will think of a time when I was happy, joyful and feeling most like myself.
- At that time what was I doing and saying to myself? How did I feel?
- I’ll hold on to this memory of when I felt most like myself, as I view my concern through the lenses of my ideals of love and excellence.
2. I will visualize myself in my marriage and my career as the person that I could be.
Questioning what my ideals mean to me to come up with practical ideas to change my behaviors:
1.What does love of myself mean to me in a practical way?
- To respect the power of my mind to direct my behaviors according to my ideals.
- To accept my abilities and limitations. If I’m an extravert, I’ll pay more attention to my inner life by keeping a journal. If I’m an intravert, I’ll find ways to participate in group activities.
- To listen to my deep seated intuitions telling me that I can contribute to the well-being of others.
- To talk to myself respectfully and prudently.
2. What does love for my spouse mean to me?
- To respect his/her thoughts and feelings.
- To listen to his/her hopes and concerns.
- To cooperate in the achievement of his/her goals.
3. What does excellence in my career mean to me?
- To put out 100% effort in doing all the tasks, both pleasant and unpleasant.
- To read, to do workshops, to attend seminars, and to network to stay fresh.
- To research opportunities for advancement.
(Using the above practical ideas will strengthen our tendency to think and behave creatively. The excitement of working on the project to make our ideals come true will dissolve our depressive moods in a sea of hope.)
I will put together a plan of action guided by my ideals and practical concepts.
Love of self: Each day I will meditate for ten minutes by visualizing myself feeling most like myself. I will see myself connected to power and beauty of nature. I will see myself connected to the people in my life. I will see myself valuing my power to love and my ability to excel in my career.
Love of spouse: Each day in my conversations with my spouse I will listen attentively to his/her feelings. I will reflect those feelings to him/her in my responses, so that we can deepen our understanding of each other.
Excellence in career: To focus my attention on career advancement, I’ll do a book search on Career development. Each day I’ll read a chapter. (eg. What Color is Your Parachute, a former best-seller, may be useful.)
I will check the results of my actions and make the necessary adjustments and additions.
On a scale of one to ten how much did my mood improve after carrying out my plan for the past two weeks?
On a scale of one to ten how much did my self-talk improve?
On a scale of one to ten how much did my feelings about my marriage improve?
On a scale of one to ten how much did my level of energy at work improve?
On a scale of one to ten how much did my level of hope improve?
Do I need to discover better practical ways to realize my ideals?
I’ll do the Vision Circles Program again to see what positive changes I have made and what improvements I can still make.